


The Habits of Super High School Level Students

by gonta



Category: Dangan Ronpa, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Comedy, Gen, POV First Person, Screenplay/Script Format, it's not crack but it is immensely silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:19:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9100156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonta/pseuds/gonta
Summary: Kiibo and Ouma make a nature documentary. The subject? Their classmates, of course.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As with many of my fics, this one became a thing because of conversations with @starrynova  
> I don't normally share the titles of the docs i write my fics on, but this one's doc was called "Hi I'm Will Wright and welcome to me beautiful Saishuu Gauken"  
> enjoy

_ Click! _

_ The camera opens up on an empty classroom. Well, it would have been on an empty classroom, if not for the purple-eyed youth currently shoving his face into the lens. I roll my eyes, though you can't see that because I'm handling the camera.  _

Kiibo: Hey, be professional about this! 

???: Geez, touchy, aren't we? Alright, alright. 

_ The boy backs up, revealing himself to be KOKICHI OUMA. He gives the camera a leery grin, and does a peace sign gesture.  _

Ouma: HEEYYYYY everybody, Ouma here with another minecraft video~! 

Kiibo: Ouma-san, please be serious! 

Ouma: Aaah, you're no fun. 

Kiibo: So, what is it that we are doing?

Ouma: Weeeellll… [Puts a finger to his chin] We’re going on some scientific exploits. Kiibo-kun and I are making a documentary! The “Super High School Level Student” is an interesting specimen, after all. We could be accomplishing some big scientific discoveries here. 

Kiibo: I suppose that is true. However, wouldn't anthropological exploits like this be Shinguuji-san’s domain? 

Ouma: Shinguuji doesn't know shit. This is real science! 

_ I know it’s definitely not real science, but I decide to humor him anyway.  _

Kiibo: I suppose this is the result of you watching all those documentaries, isn’t it. 

Ouma: So what if it is? That doesn't matter! 

_ It kind of does.  _

 

_ CUT TO: Cafeteria. It's unusually empty. Ouma sits at a table near the door.  _

Ouma: A rather interesting creature should be making his entrance soon. 

Kiibo: Ouma-san, are you sure about this? 

Ouma: I've never been  _ not _ sure about anything in my life! 

Ouma: Anyway, the species known as the “Super High School Level Astronaut” is notable for announcing its entrance with its mating call. 

_ The door slams open, revealing KAITO MOMOTA. A confident grin is alight on his face. The camera pans, focusing on his oddly positioned jacket.  _

Momota: It’s me, famous even in space, Kaito Momota!

Ouma: The creature demonstrates the aforementioned mating call, nishishi.

Momota: Wait, my  _ what _ ?? I'm not a “creature”!

Ouma: Don't think too deeply about this, okay? 

Momota: What's going on? [He turns towards me at this point] Kiibo-kun, are you filming this?

Kiibo: Um, no?

Ouma: Um, yes. 

Momota: I didn't get any papers about this!

Ouma: Uh, the specimen begins to get aggressive! Now’s the time for these intrepid documentarians to make their escape! Kiibo-kun, run! 

_ I do just that. In the chaos, the footage cuts out.  _

 

_ When the camera turns on again, we're still in the cafeteria, just in a different area. The lens focuses in on a different subject, that I scan over with my sensors. Height: 105cm. Internal temperature: 98.5 degrees Fahrenheit. Emotional temperature: 0 degrees Fahrenheit.  _

_ RYOMA HOSHI sits at a table, feet dangling several inches off the ground, staring lazily off into the distance. As Ouma begins speaking, he takes a suspicious-looking flask out of his jacket pocket and downs its contents in one swig.  _

Ouma: Ah, yes. Here is the elusive “Killer Tennis”. Witness as he makes a display of dominance! 

Hoshi: ...Ouma. What are you doing? 

Ouma: Oho! It's attempting to communicate!

Kiibo: Ouma-san, something tells me that this isn't a good idea. 

Ouma: All of my ideas are good ideas!

Hoshi: Hmph. Here's an idea. If you don't leave, I'll punch your teeth in. 

Ouma: ...It seems highly hostile. Leaving seems to be the best course of action. 

_ Without breaking eye contact with the camera lens, Hoshi takes the flask in one hand and proceeds to crush it between his tiny fingers. I jump a little, and the camera shakes. I quickly move to shut off the footage.  _

_ Before I get the chance, though, Ouma yanks me by the hand and we start running. Something round flies past us.  _

Ouma: KIIBO WE NEED TO RUN FASTER. 

Kiibo: UH, YES THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. 

_ The camera gets shaky, and the footage cuts out.  _

 

_ The camera opens up for a second. You can hear my wheezing. Ouma is chugging a bottle of grape Panta like his life depends on it, his eyes wide with anxiety.  _

Kiibo: [Panting] Maybe we should take… a five minute break. 

Ouma: [Spits out some Panta] Yeah, that… sounds like a good idea. It's the first good idea… you've had all day. 

_ I don't object to that. I'm too winded.  _

 

_ Cut to the next scene. MAKI HARUKAWA is pacing about in the atrium. Ouma jabs a finger at her smugly.  _

Ouma: This majestic beast is the Super High School Level Nursery School Teacher! We see here that- 

Harukawa: Get that camera out of my face before I burn it. 

Ouma: Erm, it seems as though she does not want to be disturbed. We will leave the area immediately. 

Kiibo: ...I could have told you that. 

_ Harukawa continues to glare at us. Ouma begins to smile nervously, and motions for me to turn off the camera.  _

 

_ CUT TO: The outside of a dorm room. The door is slightly ajar. Ouma gives the camera (and me) a mischievous glance, and pushes the door open. Inside is KIRUMI TOUJOU, intensely concentrating on cleaning the dorm. Her back is turned to us.  _

Ouma: Ah, here's an interesting one. The Super High School Level Maid!

Kiibo: Are you sure about this? Toujou-san is one of the few people who tolerates your presence. 

Ouma: Aah, don't be like that! It's all in good fun. 

Kiibo: That's not what you said wh- 

Ouma: Semantics, semantics! 

_ I decide to shut up and let him continue.  _

Ouma: Anyway, the maid! This species is especially dangerous. Whenever it senses danger, its reflexes swat anything it perceives as a threat with a broom! 

_ I say nothing.  _

Ouma: [Whispering] Psst! Kiibo-kun! Ask something about “what kind of threats”. 

Kiibo: Erm… what kind of threats?

Ouma: Oh, I thought you'd never ask. It could be anything. Dust bunnies, empty wrappers, dirty sheets-

???: Nosy Supreme Leaders?

_ Ouma jumps, and turns around. Unbeknownst to him, Toujou has come up behind him. She stares down at him, her face clouded over. Ouma begins to sweat.  _

Ouma: Uh… I'm going now. 

Toujou: Mhm. A wise decision. 

_ She brandishes her broom almost threateningly, though it's clear that she doesn't mean it. Ouma quickly takes me by the hand and leads me away. I shut off the camera.  _

 

_ CUT TO: The library. Ouma and I are standing behind a bookshelf. He motions me over to the edge. I point the camera to where he's gesturing. Sitting in an armchair, looking oddly relaxed, is KOREKIYO SHINGUUJI. He appears to be reading a heavy-looking book.  _

Ouma: This… serpentine creature is the Super High School Level Cultural Anthropologist. Currently, it is aggressive in nature. He may not look it, but he is very angry because his libido is low and because we wouldn't let him help us make this documentary. 

Shinguuji: [Calling] I am nothing of the sort. As a matter of fact, I believe it's rather interesting, what you're doing. 

Ouma: Do not fall for its camoflauge and trickery! It will eat you alive!

Kiibo: ...We offered him the chance to do post-production narration, but that didn't help. 

_ Shinguuji returns to his novel. This ticks Ouma off, since he isn't cooperating. I shut off the camera for now.  _

 

_ When the camera turns on again, we’re standing in front of an art room. Giggling can be heard from behind its closed door. Ouma appears nonchalant at first, but when he realizes that I've turned the camera on, he widens his eyes in an expression of mock fear.  _

Ouma: The creatures that lie in wait here are particularly devious! Be extremely wary, dear viewer. Oh, and you too, Kiibo. 

Kiibo: …Thanks. 

Ouma: Within this room are the “Super High School Level Artist” and the “Super High School Level Magician”. They rely on their own deceit! They may look like cute little girls, but they're vicious predators! And now, you'll get to see them for yourself. 

_ Ouma pushes the door open. As he said, ANGIE YONAGA and HIMIKO YUMENO are indeed inside. But what he can't predict is that upon his entry, Yonaga starts to throw paint at him and me.  _

Ouma: WAIT, NO! YONAGA, FUCK!

Kiibo: H-HEY, THIS IS ROBOT ABUSE! I WON’T STAND FOR THIS! I HAVE A LAWYER, YOU KNOW!

_ Yumeno’s laughing so hard that she falls to her knees at one point. Yonaga smiles apologetically, but keeps throwing the paint. Ouma runs away, and I follow.  _

Kiibo: IT SEEMS LIKE WE’RE DOING A LOT OF RUNNING AWAY LATELY. 

Ouma: I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION. 

_ The footage cuts out for what seems like the millionth time.  _

 

_ We’re in the gym, now. In one corner, TENKO CHABASHIRA is going to town on a punching bag.  _

Ouma: This is- 

Chabashira: Tenko has some advice for you. And that advice is: “Don't even try, you disgusting man!”

Ouma: …Okay, let’s just look for someone else. 

_ I nod, agreeing with him. We walk out at a normal pace, for once. I turn the camera off.  _

 

_ I thought that we were done, but Ouma has two more stops in mind. He opens the door to the talent lab marked with the face of a particular Pianist. Inside, KAEDE AKAMATSU is banging away soulfully at her piano. She's fully absorbed in her playing.  _

_ Ouma begins to say something, but then closes his mouth.  _

_ We just kind of… watch her play piano for a few minutes. It's nice. This is probably the most peaceful moment we've had all day.  _

_ Akamatsu finishes the song, and Ouma and I quickly walk off. There's a strange feeling in the air as I fumble with the camera.  _

 

_ CUT TO: The atrium, again. Ouma stands, arms akimbo. He is determined. He’s told me this is the last bit of footage he needs to rival Oliver Stone. I'm not sure who that is, and I'm fairly certain he's making things up at this point.  _

Ouma: Kiibo-kun, what do you think our grand finale should be?

Kiibo: ...Frankly, probably us apologizing to everyone for whatever today was. 

Ouma: No, silly! We're going to get a cryptid, live on camera!

Kiibo: A… what? 

Ouma: A cryptid! A mysterious creature who stalks the woods, rarely making contact with human society, who has never been captured on film! 

Kiibo: I'm worried that I understand where you're going with this. 

Ouma: Shhh! Be quiet, it's coming! 

_ I pan the camera in the direction he's pointing. From an entryway emerges GONTA GOKUHARA, his nose buried in what appears to be a large scientific text.  _

Ouma: OH, FUUUCK! QUICK, KIIBO-KUN, START SHAKING THE CAMERA AROUND! IT MAKES IT MORE AUTHENTIC, OR SOMETHING!

Gokuhara: Wh-what???

_ I began to shake the camera, per his instructions. Through the blurriness, Ouma can be seen tackling Gokuhara to the ground.  _

Ouma: FUCK, THERE HE IS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. NO TRACE OF THIS CRYPTID HAS EVER BEEN CAUGHT ON CAMERA. WE’VE DONE IT. BY GOD, WE’VE DONE IT. 

Gokuhara: WHAT DID GONTA DO??? 

Ouma: KIIBO-KUN, ADD THE X-FILES THEME MUSIC OVER THIS. 

Kiibo: I c-can't do that!

_ In the chaos, I drop the camera. The lens cracks, bringing an end to the documentary.  _

 

_ We end up not doing anything with the footage. Iruma does find it, though. A few days later, she shows us some oddly edited videos she's made with the footage, with a massive grin on her face.  _

  
_ Thus ends mine and Ouma’s brief stint as filmmakers. It seems as though we won't be getting any Oscars for this.  _

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna watch Iruma's youtube poops  
> Comments are always cherished and appreciated!


End file.
